The Aya: Saying Yes Before You Know Where It Leads

We're preparing for a plant medicine retreat to Peru this August, and in this week's episode we get into what's already shifting before we've even left home. What started as an offhand comment from a colleague turned into confirmation of something one of us has quietly wanted for the better part of a decade — and it turns out saying yes was only the beginning.

Losing Control, or Finding It?

For years, the biggest block to saying yes to plant medicine wasn't logistics — it was fear, specifically the fear of losing control. Somewhere along the way, that fear reframed itself. What looked like losing control was actually an invitation to allow, to connect, and to heal at a level words don't quite reach. That shift, from fear to trust, is what finally made "yes" feel less like a leap and more like the obvious next step.

The Signs Started Before We Said Yes

Once the decision was made, it was like the universe took notice. A vision arrived mid-drive: kneeling in the dirt, saying "Pachamama," a wave of feeling so big it turned into tears at the wheel. The next night, a dream mirrored it back — water breaking, not from pregnancy, but from something being born. Days later came a period after three months away. Even the clock got in on it, flashing 111 at exactly the right moment. None of it was proof of anything on its own. Together, it read like confirmation: you're on the right path.

The Puma, the Snake, and the Condor

The retreat is built around a framework from Andean cosmovision: the snake represents the underworld, Ukhupacha; the puma represents the living earth realm, Kaypacha; and the condor represents the celestial realm, Hanaqpacha. This retreat's focus is the puma — which landed hard for one of us, who years ago had a meditation vision of a red-eyed puma that walked closer and closer until it simply became her. That's the story behind the puma tattoo that's been there ever since. Hearing "we're connecting to the puma" wasn't abstract. It was personal, and it had been waiting to be named for the better part of a decade.

Making Space: The Purge

Before the retreat even starts, preparation showed up as purging — not as a spiritual metaphor first, but as actual closets. Hoodies, mugs, glasses, whatever had been shoved under the sink for no reason — out. Letting go of a favorite hoodie or a piece of handmade jewelry used to sting. Now the instinct is closer to a policy: if someone compliments something, offer it to them. Releasing physical clutter, it turns out, is practice for releasing everything else.

Repetition Is the Practice

On the meditation front, it's been almost a year of the same two practices — Dr. Joe Dispenza's alchemy and abundance meditations — done morning and night, treated the way reps are treated at the gym: the same movement, over and over, until the body knows it without thinking. Lately, that repetition has started showing up outside the meditation cushion. A sensation that used to only appear in stillness showed up mid-box-jump at CrossFit. The same heart-opening that usually needs a guided meditation showed up alone, mid-drive. The practice is starting to live in the ordinary hours of the day, not just the formal ones.

What You Can Take From This

You don't need a retreat booked to try any of this. Notice what you're gripping out of fear of losing control, and ask whether letting go might actually be an act of trust instead. Pay attention to the small, repeated signals your body and your life are already sending you — they don't have to be dramatic to be real. And if you're holding onto physical clutter that no longer fits who you're becoming, start there. Letting go of a hoodie is a smaller version of the same muscle you'll need for the bigger releases.

We don't know yet what August will actually bring. What we do know is that saying yes has already started changing things — in the closets, in the meditations, in the small moments that used to feel separate from "the work" and now don't. We'll keep you posted as the retreat gets closer, and we're grateful, as always, for everyone listening in on the process with us.

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